away.

i cannot wait.

to get away. tomorrow morning at 9am i'm off.

yes, it's the usual trip but i'm ready for a break. i can't sit around here any longer.

i want to get in the car, sit back and listen to good music whilst taking photos of the unknown.

i am going to sit on the beach everyday and enjoy the quietness that is of klein brak.

time for me. and i am very grateful for that.

i'm ready for an adventure.

in other news . . .

happiness.

love.

friendship.

family.

a beautiful camera.

ankle boots.

i do love christmas.

...more than anything.

much needed.

last night was a night bound to come sometime soon.

a full blown confrontation sesh happened. and it was very much needed.

a quiet supper until one point was argued against another.

the tears began and once home there was a "meeting" upstairs.

an hour and a half later it felt like we got somewhere if nowhere.

we're going in to a christmas with many factors.

everyone needing everyone at some point.

we need to realise what is truly the most important for christmas this year and not have any burdens.

yes, i feel sorry for you BUT you need to engage more with this family and not just one person otherwise this christmas will not work out. you need to break free somewhat.

if you want to leave your children behind over christmas, do so. yes, they were invited but why would they want to suddenly join another family for chirstmas 4 hours away whom they've never met. FAIR.

i don't believe it's right but then again, people deal with issues their own way. and you're all boys. none of you may talk to each other about "feelings" like us girls do but i hope you do someday.

i pray that you can become a whole family again,be with each other and not feel dependent on always coming here.

gee the timing was all off in this situation.

a stunner*

wow. words can't even describe what i felt last night.


it was the perfect evening.

vickismith. thank you. the whole evening spent on the coolest invention EVER-a trampoline. talking rubbish about sims, website logos, sport cars and hyper cars. small minds being amused by small things like cups and bowls. learning more about some people. and helping one another. having tickling attacks. finding peoples weak spots. realising that there's more going on than we think. BUT we were all with one another-on this little trampoline. and it was all i needed.

(i book the trampoline on newyears vickismith)

                we then proceeded on a spontaneous trip with whoever was left at the house.
                                             the sounds of michael buble at 22:00
                             while travelling amongst the city lights on boyes drive.

arriving at the harbour. fisherman all out catching their daily fish. dedication i tell you.

the long walk down the promenade. vicki and glenn getting that adrenaline rush as you look down in the dark empty sea wondering "what if?".

          we lay there.

                   on the edge of the promenade. all our feet hanging off.

                      the dark sea below us rushing against the harbour walls.

             we all lay there.

thoughts rushing through every mind. and talking COMPLETE rubbish-

i can't even remember what it was about.

but it was full of laughter.



it's what i needed. and to make it even better, it began to rain. and we all lay there in the rain (me being on the end so having to shelter everyone). but we didn't care. we lay there. put our hoodies and scarves around our heads and waited for the storm to pass.

and it did. it left a "foggy london town" look afterwards. and it was beautiful.

it quite honestly is my new favourite place. so what if i was sick and potentially worsened my condition being in the rain and all (while wearing shorts). it was worth every minute. i needed it.

it was perfect.

xxx



charissa and ilsa.

this is terrible of me.

i began this post last thursday in my moment of despair

 when ilsarother and chaz (friend, your name and surname are WAY too long for my liking) decided to go to sleep after a night in mont.

leaving me wide awake, with my tea. and burnt popcorn. and i threatened to blog bad things about them.

i got as far as the title. 

funnily enough though, i have nothing bad to say about them.

 so instead, this post is going to be pretty mediocre. like them. average :)

firstly, charissa.

• thank you for having a dog that wees where he is everytime it sees me.

• thank you for making me clothes (or potentially).
• thank you for allowing me to take over your house and for your mom making me vetkoek.
• thank you for driving me everywhere before i had my drivers.

• thank you for getting in my car that is not as cool as yours -you know power-steering, central locking, aircon, 5 gears,electric windows (need i say more?)

• thank you for teaching me to stop at STOP streets.

• thank you for inspiring me to buy dresses.

• and for fueling my addiction towards it.
• thank you for attending a xhosa college next year.
• for having great toes.

• thank you for burning popcorn in my house.

• thank you for letting me teach you about the "english" peoples way of life.

• thank you for drinking lots of coffee.

• thank you for catching on to "oh heck no".

 secondly, ilsa.

• thank you for having amazingly straight hair. it's annoying.
• thank you for having cappucino sachets readily available at your house.
• thank you for choosing to move to a house where the first time i had to find it, ended up in a place i never want to visit again.
• thank you for fueling my love for paramedics and firemen (you have your doctors, i don't care).
• thank you for coming on many of my spontaneous roadtrips.

• thank you for borrowing clothes from my wardrobe. and allowing it to make you look SO great.

 

• thank you for studying nursing. as much as i dislike hopsitals and every factor around it, you truly are inspiring helping people and all. (so are u chaz, but in a different, more creative form).
• thank you for not attending my 19th birthday ;)
• thank you for teaching me about kurt darren and die campbells.

 

• thank you for also burning popcorn in my house. and letting me laugh at your make-up running from it.

• thank you for, after falling head first at sebs farm, coming out of your alchohol state to check that i'm still alive.

• thank you for wanting my mom to inherent all her jewellery to you.
• thank you for "the claw". 
• thank you for having the coolest collection of earrings.
• thank you for owning a cat without a tail. it scares me.

 

thank you for pointing out when my profile   pictures are not of me.

thank you for being "fat kid".

as much as a despise your groote schuur vibes and i guess afrikaans, somewhere deep down (very deep) i have love for you both. lots of it.

                                                         so thank you. for both being twits :)



when day turns into night

after this, i'm done ranting for the day.

3 days ago i met a man who had just lost his wife two weeks ago.

he's got a son currently writing matric and another son trying to help him whilst studying IT.

he lost his wife to breast cancer.

if you could all see the pain this man is in, it would hurt you. he hasn't eaten in two weeks let alone sleep. he has no other family except a sister who ignores him. 

because his job is at home, he doesn't get out there and meet a whole bunch of new people.

so we're doing what we can to keep him pre-occupied and try get his mind off things but it'll never be the same for him or his family.

after meeting him and hearing this all, i went to bed feeling rather sickly.

i don't know how his sons manage.

if i was to lose any of my family members (especially my mother or father) or one of my friends, i would be devastated. i really don't know what i'd do.

 death is one of my biggest fears. there's the whole "what happens once you've passed away?" is that the end of your life? and you're never back again? i won't see anyone ever again..

the unknown really does scare me. i hate not knowing or being unsure.

and sometimes these thoughts come back to me in random and i get some sort of "panic" attack. but people have their ways of "getting away"...

all i can say is, truly appreciate everyone you have around you and make each minute worthwhile. don't let your life go to waste. time really does fly.

to all those reading, thank you for everything you've done for me, big  or small. and just being a part of my life.

swallowed in the sea

i know people always say it. change. change is good. change is bad.

recently something happened where change is upon us-upon my family. and i know it.

i lay in bed knowing that things will be different and yet it's something i've always been wanting.

is it possible i don't want this change even though it's for the best for others?

and that ulitmately if the others are happy then i'd be happier and there'd be less pressure on me?

now that i look at it, this is for the best. and so i will let it happen.

i need something spontaneous and exciting in my life now. i've got all the time right now to do "different" things. things i haven't done before. i think i may do more of my "list" today..

i need to get away to another country just to live a little. i want to help others. and listen to good music all day.

i'm going to be away for the whole of december and as much as it's a lot of driving and packing and un-packing, i think it's what i might just need. and it's our first christmas without my grandfather.  but we've gone through so much as a family, i think we'll manage.

(i do LOVE christmas though)

i'm scared of change. i try to adapt to it and the change in others and it's all about growing up but quite frankly,i don't want to grow up. i'm scared of the pressures outside.

can people change? i don't know. people are who they are. give or take, you know 15%, that's how much people can change if they really want to. whether it's for themselves. or the people they love. yeah, 15%. but you know what, sometimes that's just enough.

If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it

surfin' safari

i am listening to one of the greatest songs right now. it's apparently pretty old but i love it. it's called "bon bon" by pitbull. i don't know what else to say about it except it's SO great.

yesterday we went surfing and it was quite a jam. yes, we fought the waves.

so we arrive and get our wetsuit and game faces on. the red flag is up as in A SHARK HAS BEEN SPOTTED-HIGH PRIORITY. so chilled.

suddenly, the siren goes off and the white flag comes up as in EVERYONE GET OUT OF THE WATER.

gee, we do pick our days.

alas, we waited till that flag went down and we entered the deadly seas.

after my leg, ilsarother's foot and katelyn's ankle enduring much warfare, it was still much fun, whether we stood or not.

vickismith...thank you :) round two SOON.

in other very disturbing news, my phone had to go in for repairs today.

all you blackberry haters can smile. whatever but still. i feel so lost.

i know that's rather lame but i like being connected. even if the phone isn't with me, it's comforting knowing it's somewhere in my perimeter.

the assistant said "7 to 10 working days". does that include weekend? "no, 7 to 10 WORKING days" a.k.a friday latest. sigh.

but at least it's getting fixed. hopefully.

for now, i'll just blog :)