swallowed in the sea

i know people always say it. change. change is good. change is bad.

recently something happened where change is upon us-upon my family. and i know it.

i lay in bed knowing that things will be different and yet it's something i've always been wanting.

is it possible i don't want this change even though it's for the best for others?

and that ulitmately if the others are happy then i'd be happier and there'd be less pressure on me?

now that i look at it, this is for the best. and so i will let it happen.

i need something spontaneous and exciting in my life now. i've got all the time right now to do "different" things. things i haven't done before. i think i may do more of my "list" today..

i need to get away to another country just to live a little. i want to help others. and listen to good music all day.

i'm going to be away for the whole of december and as much as it's a lot of driving and packing and un-packing, i think it's what i might just need. and it's our first christmas without my grandfather.  but we've gone through so much as a family, i think we'll manage.

(i do LOVE christmas though)

i'm scared of change. i try to adapt to it and the change in others and it's all about growing up but quite frankly,i don't want to grow up. i'm scared of the pressures outside.

can people change? i don't know. people are who they are. give or take, you know 15%, that's how much people can change if they really want to. whether it's for themselves. or the people they love. yeah, 15%. but you know what, sometimes that's just enough.

If you don't like something, change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it